Before The Infertility Work-Up
I clearly remember crying on the day of our first appointment with a fertility specialist, back in December 2015. The 15 minute drive to his office was just long enough for it to sink in that we were admitting we had a problem, and that we needed help. No one else knew that we'd been trying to conceive for a year already, and we didn't want to tell anyone about anything so deeply personal until we knew what kind of problem/s we were dealing with.
I suppose it would help at this stage to backtrack a little bit, and provide you with some of our history. PJ and I were married in August 2010. I was 29, he was 30. We wanted to enjoy a few years of married life together before starting our family. Also, from the time I'd met PJ, he'd been pretty clear that he wanted to move to the States at some stage. At the time, it seemed like an exciting idea -- the chance to live and experience life on another continent.
2012 rolled around and we decided this would be our year for our big move, and December would be the month that it all happened. We'd both visited the States several times but went on a recce in January 2012, specifically to look at Denver or Texas as options to live. PJ works in the cattle industry and both states host influential stock shows. I worked in broadcasting, and both Denver and Dallas appeared to have enough TV and radio stations for me to choose from. We decided on Fort Worth, Texas. Close enough to Dallas for me to get a broadcast job, and a city nicknamed "Cowtown" seemed like a good fit for PJ.
We got the ball rolling with immigration attorneys, making sure we had the right paperwork for our entry to the States. I priced containers for shipping all of our worldly goods, and decided it would be easier and more cost-effective for us to simply sell everything we had, and start over when we got to the States. Trying to scale down a lifetime's worth of possessions (and clothes and shoes!) into two suitcases was quite a challenge!
The weeks were flying by and there was plenty to do in preparation for our move, and then we were dealt with two heart-breaking, life-shattering events. In June 2012, my beloved uncle was murdered in an armed robbery at a Spar that he managed. The details of his death were gruesome, and still make my stomach churn to this day.
While still trying to come to terms with his death, and the ineptness of the South African Police Service, who never found his killers despite having CCTV footage of them, my dear father-in-law committed suicide in September. Anyone who's lost someone to suicide would understand the blur that follows for months after a loss like that.
By the time December rolled around, PJ and I were both just hanging on by a thread. We boarded our flight to Dallas Fort Worth with excited but heavy hearts. I think we both felt like we needed a clean start.
The first few years in the States were harder than I ever could have imagined. The immigrants I've met and spoken to share similar stories. I know our situation was not unique, and hindsight is a wonderful thing. No amount of research can fully prepare you for the emotional turmoil of starting a new life in a different country. From discovering I could not work on the spousal visa I'd been given, to my husband setting up a new business, and still trying to recover from the shock of the last few months in South Africa... We were also processing the enormity of having given up the security of great jobs, a beautiful house, and the love and warmth of beloved family and friends who were now thousands of miles away. People would ask when we were planning on starting a family, and I was simply shocked. It was the worst possible time to be thinking about having children, when we ourselves were just trying to survive.
Around Thanksgiving 2014, the dust eventually seemed to be settling. Our home and work lives were a little more stable. I was also 33, and knew we shouldn't wait much longer to start a family to avoid being in the high risk category. And so, our TTC journey began! I thought Ovulation Predictor Kits were extreme and I wasn't about to be one of those crazy ladies (if only I knew the journey that lay ahead... ha!). We'd just let nature take its course. Except that nothing happened. Month after month... for about 6 months. Maybe those OPKs weren't such a bad idea after all. We got lots of smiley faces, showing peak fertility, but still no pregnancy. Things were painfully regular, month after month for another 6 months. If you're under 35, you're meant to try for a year before seeking help from a fertility specialist. So after a year of unsuccessfully trying to fall pregnant, it was time to see a specialist.
No one in my family had ever struggled with infertility, and I had very little knowledge at that stage as to what to expect in terms of all the tests. I was honestly hoping the specialist would be able to diagnose the issue quickly and easily, and that we'd be on our way. Again, that hindsight! We spent a year consulting with the infertility specialist, undergoing various tests. But all that in the next blog post.
